why dose realizing i missed a race make me panic?

why dose realizing i missed a race make me panic?

I missed last weekends race… the root 66 one in ware mass… I didn’t realize there was a race till about an hour before the start of the race … so I went through my panic mode for about 10 min till I realized that there was know way I was going to make it before the start… and I was a little bit disappointed in myself that I could let missing a race get me so worked up and worried… I go to these races for fun…so why did I get so flustered… Am I on some ego trip where I feel I need to ride my bike faster than others to prove myself ?… if I am alone riding fast and no one is around to see or care the ride doesn’t feel quite as fulfilling as if I rode fast under race conditions and had an official result and witnesses to prove that I had rode fast… so I guess @ the end of the day I am just a tool, trying to impress others…

I suppose we all tools to some degree… humans are social animals, always doing stuff to be loved, get attention and respect… if I didn’t care what anyone thought of me I would always we wearing the same sweat suit… I would ever shave and I would fart, pick my nose in public and wouldn’t race as much… if at all.

Despite the tool racing makes me I don’t think I will stop doing it anytime soon… racing is rewarding it creates goals and motivation in my life that keep me driven to be a healthy and fit person… and maybe that dive transfers over to other aspects of my life in a positive way... I suppose the same competitive drive that make a person driven also makes them more susceptible to getting worried angry or depressed when things don’t go as planned…